Welcome Eleanor!

Eleanor West Pendergrass

Born on March 19 at 2:26pm

8 pounds and 10 ounces

20 inches long

We are currently enjoying getting to know our new daughter. As things continue to settle, the blog will once again start functioning. 

Frustration and Disappointment

Fair warning- this post may get a little whiny and woe is me. I realize things could be so much worse, and I am thankful that they are not. However, that doesn't make my current situation any less frustrating, disappointing, or scary. 

I've know my entire life that I wanted a baby. It was never an if question for me, it was always just a when. I questioned if I would get married and do the typical "grown up" things, but I was always sure that a child would be in my future. I have spent a lot of time researching and thinking about my perfect birth experience  Don't get me wrong, I know that a birth can't really be planned and that there were numerous things that could happen to keep me from getting the natural, easy birth I wanted. I was prepared to not be able to handle the pain and get an epidural. I was prepared to give up my ideal free movement labor in order to be monitored for 20 minutes every hour. I was not prepared for a body that just won't go into labor. 

My pregnancy has mostly been smooth sailing. There was nothing to hint that my labor wouldn't be also. But here I am. 40 weeks and 4 days pregnant and not a single sign of ever going into labor. Eleanor still hasn't engaged at all, so my doctor doesn't feel like an induction would work. He is pushing for a cesarean. I'm terrified. That was really the one option that I was so opposed to. I was also so sure that it wouldn't come to that, or at least, that if it did, it would be more of an emergency and I wouldn't have time to think about it. 

I'm worried about my placenta starting to age, the increased risk of the baby having a bowel movement, or just something going wrong and not knowing. Those things make me want to do anything to get her out. But at the same time, I truly believe that a woman's body was made to give birth. Maybe my kid just needs more time? It seems like there are no good answers right now and I have no clue what to do. 

I'm so disappointed in my body. I feel like it is failing at doing the one thing it had been really good at so far. For now, I'm just going to keep trying all of the things I know of that are risk free and could induce labor. We go back to the doctor on Monday. I'm hoping and praying that she comes before then because I feel like there is no good choice for me to make right now. Ultimately, I just want a healthy baby. 

40 Weeks (and some days) - Update

First off, please forgive the lack of picture. I've been busy being sad that I don't have a baby. This mostly results in a refusal to put on anything but pajamas. It also doesn't help that I feel huge and the complete opposite of attractive right now. As much as I have loved being pregnant, I am ready to get this baby out. However, I want her to be ready to, and she apparently isn't yet. 

Countdown: Eleanor was due on Monday, the 11th. 

Baby size: At an ultrasound on my due date they guessed she weighed 8 pounds and 9 ounces. She could be up to 22in long. My what to expect app now says she is the size of a small pumpkin 

Symptoms: I think I lost my mucus plug last Saturday but that's pretty much the only sign I have had that I could potentially go into labor soon. The baby has also been really active, which is nice since there is a slight increased fear with overdue babies that something bad could happen before they are  born to cause them to be stressed. 

Cravings: I'm still on a sweet tea kick. I don't know why but for some reason it's the most delicious thing in the world lately.  

Best Moment of the Week: D'e mom got her Wednesday. She has been so sweet and helpful. I won the mother in law lottery I think. 

Worst Moment of the Week: Anticipating the due date and not knowing how much longer my doctor would give before trying an induction was probably the worst. If it comes down to it, I am fine with being induced if it is in the best interest of my baby, but I also know that inductions lead to higher c-section rates, and that scares the crap out of me. 

What I am Looking Forward to: Having a baby! One way or another she has to come soon, right? 

Waiting...

At my last doctor's appointment, I was measuring ahead by a few weeks. The doctor got a little concerned over how big the baby could be getting. Personally, I just think she was in a weird position. But I can understand the concern.

If she doesn't come out this weekend, we will probably start talking about induction on Monday. That scares me a little because I know if the induction possibilities don't work, the doctor is probably going to start pushing for a c-section. That's really not what I want. I know that the doctor is just trying to do what is best for the situation but I have faith that my body can do this on it's own. Its not let me down so far throughout this pregnancy.

I'm going to do all of the things I can think of that may start labor (and have no negative side effects). Sex, spicy foods, walking, and pretty much anything else that might help. I'm trying to stay busy to keep from going crazy. Waiting on your body to go into labor can be a little stressful. Every little twinge starts to seem like it might be something and I get hopeful, but then nope.

Habits

Lately, I've been thinking about my mom pretty often. I miss her so much, especially now that I am about to have a daughter on my own. I wish that I could ask her all the questions that I never thought to when she was still alive.

Most of my thoughts have centered on things she taught me when I was growing up, especially the habits that she passed on without meaning to or even being aware of it probably. They are mostly little things, like she never used wooden spoons. I've never really used them either. I'm sure that wasn't a conscious decision on her part, just a preference that she passed on.

Some other habits that I picked up from my mom:

1. Cluttered tables in the living room are the worst. Everything can be messy and it's fine, but a cluttered table makes me feel like the whole room is disgusting. 
2. It's better to keep soda in the fridge so you don't have to use much ice when you drink it. 
3. There has to be a napkin of some sort with every meal or snack. 
4. Candles are appropriate for everyday use. 
5. Colgate toothpaste is better than all the other brands. 
6. Things just aren't as clean if the cleaner you are using isn't lemon scented. 

See? They are mostly all just silly, little things. I'm sure there are still some things I do that I don't even realize are learned behaviors until someone asks why. I never noticed all the little learned habits until D and I started living together. There were a lot of debates between us about the right way to do things and the basic answer for both of us much of the time was "well, that's way my parents did it". 

It makes me want to be much more aware of all of my behaviors, especially since I am days away from having a baby. I only want Eleanor to pick up the best habits from D and I. I don't want to unintentionally be setting a bad example for her. It's weird to think that there is going to be this little person that I have such a huge impact on, even when I'm not actively trying to. It definitely makes me want to clean up my act some. 

39 Weeks - Update

Countdown: 6 days! 

Baby size: She weighs upwards of 6.5lbs and could be 22in long. 

Symptoms: I'm having a bit of pain in my pelvic area. It is especially bad when I get up in the middle of the night or in the morning. 

Cravings: I'm so tired of eating. I feel like I am always hungry. The only things I have really wanted lately are sweet tea and ice cream. I've rarely given in to the craving though. 

Best Moment of the Week: As predicted, Saturday night was great. We went to a British pub in Hollywood to celebrate Arlie's birthday followed by a show at Comedy Sportz! We have the best roommate and it was nice to meet some more of her friends and catch up with ones we already knew. 

Worst Moment of the Week: I don't know that there was any one worst moment of this week. Mostly, just a lot of anticipation and paranoia. Typical for a first time mom I'm sure. 

What I am Looking Forward to: D's mom arrives Wednesday. I'm very lucky in the sense that I LOVE my in-laws, his mom especially. I'm excited to get a few days with her pre-baby. I'm hoping Ella arrives over the weekend.