Date Night in Support of a Friend

Arlie is the best friend I have made since moving to Southern California. She was even in my wedding. Simply put, I adore her. Last night, she graduated from the senior level improv class at comedy sportz, and as such, was in an improv show with her classmates.

I've known about the show for a few months and have really been looking forward to seeing my friend perform and be funny. I had a pretty strong feeling she would be great at it (spoiler alert: she was). However, I was pretty nervous about leaving Eleanor with someone else. It was a little hard to find a babysitter since we needed someone to do it at our apartment and most of the people we know that want to watch a baby have babies of their own. We finally did though.

A friend that D and I used to work for volunteered to hang out in our living room for a few hours while Eleanor slept. We put Ella to bed before we left and she slept like a rock the whole time we were gone. We checked in on her through the video monitor a time or two just for reassurance.

It was nice to be out of the house after 6:30. It was especially nice to be able to cuddle up next to my husband and interact with other adults. I laughed a ton and talked a ton. Having Eleanor has definitely made me bolder than I used to be in social situations.

I'm so proud of Arlie and I am so glad we got to watch her show! I expected to laugh a little, but mostly because that was my friend, you know? But I was laughing because it was literally hilarious. It was a free performance, but I would have happily paid to see it. I hope she does more improv and that I get to watch more!

Everything Changes

I knew that having a baby would be difficult. I mean, everyone knows that. I even knew that I don't particularly like newborns... they are just way too breakable for my liking. I didn't realize that between 3-4 months, everything changes. I mean EVERYTHING.

Before 4 months

I felt like a zombie most days. Apparently, waking up every 3 hours means that you are never ever actually rested. A brain that isn't well rested has some trouble functioning now and then (who put that remote in the fridge?). Eleanor was lovely and tiny and perfect, but girl could scream! Even though it was probably only in 20-30 minute intervals, it felt like forever. D and I joked about how she was going to make us go deaf. Some of that was probably my fault. You know how a baby picks up on your attitude and all that? Well, those first few months I was panicked at the first little squeak she made or if we were out and she needed to be changed or fed. I put on a brave face, hoping that I wouldn't look as clueless as I felt. Internally, though, I was a wreck and she must have sensed some of that. Add that to the fact that my hormones were still going crazy and I was pretty much a mess.

On a more practical note, the things we use and do were different in those first few months. For our family, Aden + Anais swaddling blankets were the best things ever. Eleanor loved being swaddled and slept much more soundly when she was. The A+A blankets were bigger than any of the other ones and more lightweight. They made swaddling a breeze. Eleanor also wore the heck out of the same few long sleeve Gerber onesies with hand covers. She wore them so much and I liked them so much that we bought a second pack when she was a few weeks old. We put her in them to sleep because pajamas with snaps were a total pain for middle of the night diaper changes.

Eleanor also was one of those babies that needed something to suck on for comfort. We would have went insane without a paci in the first few weeks. I even briefly blogged about my relationship with her Soothie pacis here.

After 4 months

Eleanor has such a personality now and I enjoy that so much more than I enjoyed the snugly, needy little infant. Smiling and laughing was a real turning point. It kept me from feeling like she was miserable and I was doing something wrong. Although, she now knows how to give looks that clearly make it known that she thinks reading that book/swinging/playing in her bumbo are the worst ideas ever. She was never a particularly difficult baby, but now she seems to be especially easy. She only cries when he is overly tired or really wants that bottle that she can see you making. She will happily spend 20-30 minutes playing on her tummy on her own, more than that if someone will play on the floor with her. She has the best grins at home, and the most inquisitive faces when we are out and about. I feel so much more confident with my actions as a parent. If she cries while we are out, oh well. If she spits up or has a small diaper leak that gets on my shirt, no big deal. That's why I wear layers. Obviously, there are still times where I feel like I am going insane, but I have now recognized that those times coincide with her learning some new, awesome trick (or maybe teething...soon). Basically, I am just a lot less clueless and lot more rested than I once was.

At 4 months, we started sleep training. I didn't ever really think I would do a CIO method, but then I had my kid that wouldn't nap and cried for 30minutes to an hour before she fell asleep regardless. We went with the 3 Day Sleep Solution and it has been amazing. Eleanor naps at regular intervals and sleeps 12 hours a night (waking once to feed). In accordance to our plan, we ditched our paci and it went surprisingly well. It's so much easier now that I don't have to worry about putting in her mouth constantly or losing it. She does still have one for the rare occasion we are out and she needs something for comfort (the only time this has really happened was at the doctor and once in the car).

Since Eleanor sleeps in her crib, we almost never use our A+A blankets at home anymore. She sleeps without any blanket because I am paranoid she would suffocate. I am sure they will come back out once she is a little older. We do occasionally take them with us when we are out because they fold up small for the diaper bag just in case we need to put them on the floor, over her car seat, or whatever. I have started refusing to put her in pretty much any pajamas that aren't zippered. She kicks so much her legs get out of/caught with the pairs with snaps and since there are no blankets, it's too cold for a onesie. Toys are becoming a bigger and bigger part of our life, but unless she can put it in her mouth, my kid has zero interest in it.

It's crazy how much things have changed. I'm sure in another four months the list of things that used to be used daily will shrink even more and I will be enjoying my kiddo even more. Although, I am still terrified of that whole walking/crawling thing.

10 Favorite Photos From Month 5

So, I will honestly say that these are not the "best" photos of my child, but they are my favorites. Most of them feature her fantastic facial expressions. I particularly love the one in the swing. You can just tell she is thinking, "Why are they doing this to me? They are idiots." Yup, that's my kid. 

And a bonus video...

  Warning: This video may kill you from adorableness. 

5 Months - An Eleanor Update

Weight: 12 lbs

Height: 24.5 in.

Likes: Eleanor loves the cats, standing with assistance, and funny noises.

Dislikes: Eleanor does not like getting buckled into her car seat or putting her arms through sleeves.

Milestones: This month has mostly been a month of perfecting the milestones she has already hit. Like she has been giggling for a while but now does it more frequently and appropriately (when something is funny or really fun).

This month has went by so fast! I can't keep with how quickly she is growing. I love the little personality that Eleanor is starting to exhibit. She is such a goofball at home, but so inquisitive and observant when we are anywhere new. It's so funny watching her develop. Right this second I am particularly fond of watching her try to crawl, but jut scooting herself backwards instead. She gets so frustrated, but it's hilarious.

Daughters

Having a daughter is making me so much more aware of what I say, think and do regarding other women. I've never been much of a fan of the way that girls have a tendency to tear each other down, but I've done it. Now though, every time a truly negative and unproductive thought crosses my mind or my lips, I wonder if I would ever say it to Eleanor, or even how i would feel if someone else said it to her. There are enough obstacles facing women. We shouldn't make another one for ourselves. 

I want to raise a strong daughter that goes after she wants and doesn't back down. I don't want her to be called a bitch for that. 

I want her to fall in love and be happy in a relationship, even if it takes a few experiments to figure it out. I want her to enjoy sex (when it is appropriate for age... at 30) and be comfortable with her body. I don't want her to be called a slut or whore for that. 

I want her to be polite to every single person, regardless of her feelings about them. Politeness means she is civil, not that she pretends to have feelings she doesn't. I don't want her to be called fake for that. 

I want her to be open about the way she feels, even when those feelings are confusing. I don't want her to be called crazy or over-emotional or irrational for that. 

I want her to dress and act the way that makes her happiest. I do not want her to be called a freak or skank or weirdo for that. 

I want my daughter to live in a world where it is a little easier to be a woman than it currently is. I want her to be smart and happy and self-assured. I want her to know that she is just as valuable as any man. I want her to feel like she can do anything she want, without her sex holding her back. I'm going to do everything I can to give my daughter a world that is nicer to women.

More Milk

I'm in the efforts of trying to get my milk supply up so I can feed Eleanor more at each nursing session. I would really like to stop supplementing her feedings with formula, and to do that, I need to be able to fill her up from nursing alone or pump enough to be able to give her a bottle.

So far, my favorite part of attempting to increase my milk supply is Lactation Cookies. They are delicious. I'll post my recipe in the next few days. It's amazing to have an excuse to eat cookies even when I'm trying to get back in shape after the baby.

My least favorite part is pumping. It's not painful or anything like that, and my pump is a good one. It's just so boring. Not to mention the fact that I barely ever pump more than a few ounces, which is just depressing. 

All of the other things that I've been told to try are not particularly great or awful. They are somewhere in the middle. I am taking More Milk Plus drops (which taste terrible) and Goat's Rue, drinking dark beer and tons of water, eating steel cut oatmeal, and trying not to put any pressure on myself. It's a little hard not to feel the pressure when I am solely responsible for feeding my baby. No one else can breastfeed her but me. 

My family thinks my insistence to breastfeed is weird. Some of them think that because she isn't getting (only) formula or cereal, that she can't possibly be healthy or gain enough weight. I know that's not the case but it's difficult to be brave about my decision when we are struggling with supply issues so much. 

I never realized that feeding my child would be this complicated or this emotional for me.