10 Favorite Photos From Month 5

So, I will honestly say that these are not the "best" photos of my child, but they are my favorites. Most of them feature her fantastic facial expressions. I particularly love the one in the swing. You can just tell she is thinking, "Why are they doing this to me? They are idiots." Yup, that's my kid. 

And a bonus video...

  Warning: This video may kill you from adorableness. 

5 Months - An Eleanor Update

Weight: 12 lbs

Height: 24.5 in.

Likes: Eleanor loves the cats, standing with assistance, and funny noises.

Dislikes: Eleanor does not like getting buckled into her car seat or putting her arms through sleeves.

Milestones: This month has mostly been a month of perfecting the milestones she has already hit. Like she has been giggling for a while but now does it more frequently and appropriately (when something is funny or really fun).

This month has went by so fast! I can't keep with how quickly she is growing. I love the little personality that Eleanor is starting to exhibit. She is such a goofball at home, but so inquisitive and observant when we are anywhere new. It's so funny watching her develop. Right this second I am particularly fond of watching her try to crawl, but jut scooting herself backwards instead. She gets so frustrated, but it's hilarious.

Daughters

Having a daughter is making me so much more aware of what I say, think and do regarding other women. I've never been much of a fan of the way that girls have a tendency to tear each other down, but I've done it. Now though, every time a truly negative and unproductive thought crosses my mind or my lips, I wonder if I would ever say it to Eleanor, or even how i would feel if someone else said it to her. There are enough obstacles facing women. We shouldn't make another one for ourselves. 

I want to raise a strong daughter that goes after she wants and doesn't back down. I don't want her to be called a bitch for that. 

I want her to fall in love and be happy in a relationship, even if it takes a few experiments to figure it out. I want her to enjoy sex (when it is appropriate for age... at 30) and be comfortable with her body. I don't want her to be called a slut or whore for that. 

I want her to be polite to every single person, regardless of her feelings about them. Politeness means she is civil, not that she pretends to have feelings she doesn't. I don't want her to be called fake for that. 

I want her to be open about the way she feels, even when those feelings are confusing. I don't want her to be called crazy or over-emotional or irrational for that. 

I want her to dress and act the way that makes her happiest. I do not want her to be called a freak or skank or weirdo for that. 

I want my daughter to live in a world where it is a little easier to be a woman than it currently is. I want her to be smart and happy and self-assured. I want her to know that she is just as valuable as any man. I want her to feel like she can do anything she want, without her sex holding her back. I'm going to do everything I can to give my daughter a world that is nicer to women.

More Milk

I'm in the efforts of trying to get my milk supply up so I can feed Eleanor more at each nursing session. I would really like to stop supplementing her feedings with formula, and to do that, I need to be able to fill her up from nursing alone or pump enough to be able to give her a bottle.

So far, my favorite part of attempting to increase my milk supply is Lactation Cookies. They are delicious. I'll post my recipe in the next few days. It's amazing to have an excuse to eat cookies even when I'm trying to get back in shape after the baby.

My least favorite part is pumping. It's not painful or anything like that, and my pump is a good one. It's just so boring. Not to mention the fact that I barely ever pump more than a few ounces, which is just depressing. 

All of the other things that I've been told to try are not particularly great or awful. They are somewhere in the middle. I am taking More Milk Plus drops (which taste terrible) and Goat's Rue, drinking dark beer and tons of water, eating steel cut oatmeal, and trying not to put any pressure on myself. It's a little hard not to feel the pressure when I am solely responsible for feeding my baby. No one else can breastfeed her but me. 

My family thinks my insistence to breastfeed is weird. Some of them think that because she isn't getting (only) formula or cereal, that she can't possibly be healthy or gain enough weight. I know that's not the case but it's difficult to be brave about my decision when we are struggling with supply issues so much. 

I never realized that feeding my child would be this complicated or this emotional for me. 

Tiny Baby

Between her 2 month and 4 months appointments, Eleanor only gained half an ounce. That's pretty insane. She fell from like the 50% for weight, down to the 10%.

Clearly, this lack of weight gain is not okay. It's frustrating for me because she seems satisfied after nursing sessions and refuses to keep nursing after a certain point. Right now, we are supplementing with bottles of formula or pumped breast milk, and she seems totally fine with taking a bottle even after she starts refusing to nurse more.

It's probably a supply problem on my end, which makes me feel like a massive failure. Has she spent the last two months being hungry? Honestly, there is a part of me right now that wants to just forget it and switch to completely giving her formula. The smarter part of me knows that wouldn't be the best choice for us right now though. I have loved nursing Eleanor, even when I haven't necessarily like (3am feeding, I'm talking about you). And despite her lack of weight gain, she is thriving. My kiddo is so strong and healthy. I've got to give breast milk some props for that.

For now, I'm completely fine with supplementing with formula and trying everything known to man to increase my milk supply. I'm just hoping that these things work and my little lady packs on some pounds. We need more baby chub in this house.

10 Favorite Photos from Month 4

4 Months - An Eleanor Update

Weight: 11 lbs 2.5 oz 

Height: 24.25 in. 

Likes: Eleanor likes playing airplane, any tv time that she gets (very little), and gets more excited over gas drops than anything else. 

Dislikes: Eleanor is fairly easy going. That said, she doesn't like waking up (no matter how much sleep she got) and she currently isn't a fan of any toy that is too big for her to chew on. 

Milestones: This was like the month of milestones. Eleanor is now intentionally playing with all of her toys. She started giggling and found her voice.After learning how to roll from back to front, she became a crazy little mover all of a sudden. My favorite has to be that she has started to mimic us when we blow raspberries or make simple sounds. It's the cutest. 

This past month has been one of the best and worst months we have had so far. Eleanor has been difficult but much more aware. It seems like right when I'm ready to throw my hands up in frustration she starts doing something new and we have a few good days. I get it. I'm sure it's really tough learning how to roll and laugh and make sounds. I'm amazed by how much she can do now. It is so fun watching her grow.