I feel... blah

Since having Eleanor, I am really struggling to feel good about myself physically. I've never been in great shape or thought I was particularly hot or anything. But there was a certain amount of comfort that came with being familiar with my body, flaws and all, for the better part of my life. I even liked my body most of the time when I was pregnant. Well, my stomach at least. I hated that my face got all fat. I had multiple chins my entire pregnancy it seems.

Post pregnancy body is the worst. I technically weigh the same as I did before being pregnant, but nothing about my body is the same. My hips are wider, everything is flabbier. I still look like I'm a few months pregnant. It's gross. It makes me feel gross. I'm working on being more active and setting goals to exercise. It's just not the easiest thing to do when there is a new baby in the house though, you know? I really need to just find a way to do it. Eating better would help too, but not as much as exercising would.

Feeling bad about my body is only compounded by the fact that none of my old clothes fit. Pre baby jeans are too tight and pregnancy jeans just fall down. I'm pretty much limited to wearing leggings right now. And yes, I do realize that leggings aren't pants, but they are the only thing that fit me right now (I'm so channeling Regina George for that sentence). I can still wear some of my dresses, but they aren't as flattering by any means. I'm hoping that if/when there is another baby, it comes out in winter. I would love to be able just to cover up in cute sweaters and lot of layers for another few months. It's too hot for that though.

I need a wardrobe overhaul anyway. I don't know how to dress as a mom. I was still trying to master dressing as a non-college student when I got pregnant. It's difficult to find clothes that don't feel too old or too young. I think I could do it if I could take my body out of the equation. On paper, I have great style. In my closet, limited by sizing options and money, not so much.

I'm not sure why I am putting all of this out into the internet. Maybe to keep myself accountable? I don't want to still feel this way six months from now. If I do, the internet can shame me appropriately.