Rashes and Rolling Off Couches

This week has been on the hard side. Not really the week so much as yesterday and today.

Yesterday, I noticed a little bit of a rash between Eleanor's legs and under her arms. By the time D got home last night it was much worse. The rash appeared as just flat red blotches. It didn't seem to be bothering her at all. It was on every portion of her body, but mostly avoided her face.

We called the after hours line at the pediatrician's office and they just said to monitor her overnight. I called the pediatrician today to reconfirm that advice. They said to watch her and as long as it continues to fade and doesn't start to bother her it should be fine.

On top of all the stress in dealing with this rash with unknown causes, Eleanor rolled off the couch. I left her for just a few minutes, long enough to run upstairs and grab some diapers. She was sleeping on her back.

From up the stairs, I heard her cry out. I raced out of the room, but assumed I would just see a cat bothering her (they have yet to do anything, but I figure sooner or later, you know). I looked down to the couch and I didn't see her. Panic mode set in. She was in the floor on her stomach, screaming at the top of her lungs. I picked her up and after a few minutes of soothing she seemed okay. Thankfully, she had rolled off and onto a throw cushion that was in the floor. Thank goodness for throw cushions.

I still have no idea how she went from her back on the couch to on the floor on her stomach and pointing in the opposite direction that I had left her. After I picked her up and she calmed down, she seemed fine. Still tracking objects like normal and latching to eat.

I feel like the worst mom ever today. My kid has an unidentified rash which I am convinced I somehow caused and I left her alone so she could roll off the couch. Rationally, I know that I am being unreasonable in feeling like everything is all my fault. For some reason though, I can't get myself to believe that today.

Being a Grown Up

I posted this picture to my facebook last night. My cousin commented about how I seemed so grown up. It was funny to me. Partially because the picture demonstrates my complete silliness at making faces to mimic my baby and partially because I don't often feel grown up. Most days, I still feel like a 15 year old. I wish there was someone telling me what to do. On a fairly regular basis I can be heard asking my husband what I should be when I grow up. That's so not a question grown ups ask.

Despite the fact that I feel so uncertain in so many parts of my life, I do feel a certain sense of comfort when it comes to parenting Eleanor. Sure, those first few weeks I felt a little like I was drowning, but not anymore. I'm confident in the decisions I make regarding her. Even when I am frustrated, I rarely second guess myself or even worry about what others are thinking. It's a nice feeling. I guess she has made me grow up in some ways that I had not really noticed.

If this is being a grown up, I guess it's not as bad as I thought it would be. It would be even better if someone could pay all my bills for me though. Ha.

Introducing Evie

Since she was part of the inspiration for the title of this blog, I thought it was finally time to introduce Evie to the internet.

She is our little cat. At a year and a half old, she is still a total kitten.

We adopted Evie from the West Valley Animal Shelter about 6 months after we adopted our first cat. He needed some feisty little cat to keep him company during the day while D and I were at work. Evie was in the featured cage in the hallway. She was climbing up the sides and being a total little show off. D and I fell pretty hard for this tiny, adventure-seeking kitten. Now though, when we curse her mischiveous ways, we think back to the little kitten climbing its cage and wonder why we weren't prepared for a total trouble maker.

Evie is basically the Dory (from Finding Nemo) of cats. She forgets things five minutes after they happen and every day is an adventure full of surprises. While adorable, it can get old. We recently had to put baby proof locks on the bottom cabinets to keep Evie from climbing in them to take naps. At least she doesn't chew through cords anymore.

As much trouble as she can be, it's hard to stay mad at her. She loves sitting in the windows and making noises at the birds that fly by. She's also pretty much always purring. It's impossible to yell at a cat when it's purring and trying to cuddle on your lap.

The Littlest Plan Ruiner

I love three day weekends. Having D home for an extra day feels so special, even more so now that I spend all of my days at home with Eleanor.

I had such wonderful plans for this Memorial Day Weekend. We were planning on just lounging around the house, having slow cuddly days bookended with yummy meals. While that kind of happened on Saturday, with a pancake breakfast and steak dinner, it was terribly interrupted by a very irritable Eleanor. Today was not much better.

The poor girl seems to not be feeling so well. She has spent a good portion of today and yesterday crying inconsolably and refusing to nurse. The refusal to nurse is frustrating for me because it's my job to feed her, and when I can't, I feel like I am failing.  It also sucks for D to spend his limited home time with such a fussy girl.

Tomorrow, we are driving down to San Diego to pick up D's sister. She is going to visit for a few days. I'm holding out hope that Ella feels a little better and doesn't cry so much. She usually does really good in her car seat, especially for decently long drives.

I guess this has been my first real lesson in the baby completely not acting in a way that goes along with my imagined plans. Still, the weather has been lovely and my husband has been home, so it's a great weekend. Even though my baby is cranky, I'm going to appreciate this weekend.

10 Favorite Photos From Month 2

*Almost all of these were taken on my phone. My poor camera is so neglected. I'm gonna work on that. 

2 Months - An Eleanor Update

Weight: 10 lbs 9 oz

Height: 22.5 in.

Likes: Eleanor loves the lady bug on her bouncing chair toy bar, bath time, and taking walks in the Baby Bjorn.

Dislikes: Eleanor does not like being woken up or napping without being held (the exception to that is the Baby Bjorn).

Milestones: She rolls over from front to back, smiles socially, and has started to discover and use her hands. She is great at tracking objects and holding her head up.

Eleanor is such a good baby. I do need to start trying to get her to nap without being held because the girl is a total grump without her nap and you know, it's hard for me to sit perfectly still for 2ish hours. She gets more and more fun each day. It's such a wonderful feeling to have her smile at me when I walk up to her crib or swing or whatever. It's nice to see her start recognizing other people and things too (like daddy and Mr. ladybug).

I feel... blah

Since having Eleanor, I am really struggling to feel good about myself physically. I've never been in great shape or thought I was particularly hot or anything. But there was a certain amount of comfort that came with being familiar with my body, flaws and all, for the better part of my life. I even liked my body most of the time when I was pregnant. Well, my stomach at least. I hated that my face got all fat. I had multiple chins my entire pregnancy it seems.

Post pregnancy body is the worst. I technically weigh the same as I did before being pregnant, but nothing about my body is the same. My hips are wider, everything is flabbier. I still look like I'm a few months pregnant. It's gross. It makes me feel gross. I'm working on being more active and setting goals to exercise. It's just not the easiest thing to do when there is a new baby in the house though, you know? I really need to just find a way to do it. Eating better would help too, but not as much as exercising would.

Feeling bad about my body is only compounded by the fact that none of my old clothes fit. Pre baby jeans are too tight and pregnancy jeans just fall down. I'm pretty much limited to wearing leggings right now. And yes, I do realize that leggings aren't pants, but they are the only thing that fit me right now (I'm so channeling Regina George for that sentence). I can still wear some of my dresses, but they aren't as flattering by any means. I'm hoping that if/when there is another baby, it comes out in winter. I would love to be able just to cover up in cute sweaters and lot of layers for another few months. It's too hot for that though.

I need a wardrobe overhaul anyway. I don't know how to dress as a mom. I was still trying to master dressing as a non-college student when I got pregnant. It's difficult to find clothes that don't feel too old or too young. I think I could do it if I could take my body out of the equation. On paper, I have great style. In my closet, limited by sizing options and money, not so much.

I'm not sure why I am putting all of this out into the internet. Maybe to keep myself accountable? I don't want to still feel this way six months from now. If I do, the internet can shame me appropriately.